God is Good, All the Time

Trust

i-will-trust-in-you

So, I have trust issues.  I would never do a “trust fall,” I don’t share big secrets, I fail to ask for help, and I do not delegate well. I am fiercely independent. Unfortunately I think my lack of trust in people has often crossed over into a lack of trust in my Creator.   Time and time again, I fail to put all my trust in Him and His plans for me. Why do I do that?

I even have Proverbs 3:5-6 tattooed on my arm where I can look at it all the time.  I did this for myself so that I would constantly be reminded: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.”

Six and a half years ago I started a little business with an Etsy shop.  I thought it would be a fun hobby now that all my kids were in school.  But that little business got big, fast.  Before I knew it I was working full time and having to hire help to fill orders.  It was crazy and exciting and overwhelming.  The new income was such a huge blessing too!

But owning this shop means no days off. Ever.  It is open 24/7 so I have it on my mind and in my hands (phone) every single day.  After 6 years I was getting burned out. It’s also a roller coaster. Sales are up, sales are down. For the last year, they’re just down. Many shop owners on Etsy are complaining of the decline too, so I am glad it’s not just me. I am so thankful that I still have steady business and repeat customers, but the heyday of Etsy, for me, is over.

I have struggled and prayed about this for the last 8 months or so.  But I still didn’t quite trust like I should. Instead I continued trying to swim upstream and fix it all by myself. It was a process for me.  There was one song that became my theme during the first half of 2016…

Lyrics

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!

 

I would sing this song in my head and with the radio and try to really think about the lyrics.  Yesterday, I heard it and I cried.  Because the day before yesterday, I got a job offer.

This isn’t how I anticipated the journey going, but it wasn’t my plans that mattered.  And the story of how I ended up with this new job is one that can only be described as a “God thing.”   I will tell that story another day.

When God allows one door to close, He will open another for you.  I have heard that said and I have seen it happen, but I forgot.  I could have made the last year so much easier for myself by just letting go and trusting, and I hope I have learned my lesson for the future (again)!

My Etsy and online shops will continue to be open. My hope is that all the blood, sweat, and tears I have put in will have set up a system that can thrive without me putting full time hours into it.  The happiness of my day and the quality of my sleep will no longer depend on how many sales I have gotten. My business will not own me anymore.  I feel like I can breathe and I  am excited to see what happens to Dwelling next,  without the burden of needing anything to happen!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s